With about 16 years and 7 children (note: his, hers, ours, and even a couple of theirs that became ours) under our belts, one might wonder where D/s fits into our lives. The answer to that is simple.. we are a work in progress, oftentimes with distractions (much more on that in time), changes in scenery, breaks, resets, and a whole lotta communication throughout. Although He has always been very alpha and D-type, I have not always been s- type. He’s incredibly adept at bringing that out in me, and is the only person who has actually witnessed this transformation. We’ve been active at our local Bdsm dungeon for several years now, but have recently decided to take a break in order to reestablish our dynamic with fewer distractions. You see, I am very naturally dominant in nature. I’ve got a fairly well-known reputation locally for being a hard player and a sadistic top. It’s a roll that I don’t have to work hard at, as it comes quite naturally to me. My husband has never had any interest at all in playing publicly, be it at the dungeon or a private play party, so He’d tag along with me to watch me do my thing while I would scratch my top itch. He would also be there to bring me back down to earth afterwards, and then eventually back down to that nice cozy s space again. Well.. until the last several months, that is. When we realized that I no longer was finding any sort of s headspace, it was time once again, for a few readjustments! I contacted play partners and let them know i was retiring, wiped out my fetlife account, and was re-collared in a beautiful ceremony attended by our closest friends. Would I call myself a switch? ABSOLUTELY NOT. I wish it were that easy to slap a title on myself and float in and out of whatever role I feel like playing at that particular moment. Topping comes with zero effort.. it’s how i keep my demons at bay. What’s better than a physical session with a willing and eager masochist to take out some aggressions and have a lil fun in the process? I’ve come to find out what’s better. It’s living a life full of detached moments and impossibly guarded walls, and then finally being able to just.. let go.
My husband, as previously mentioned, is a very alpha type male. In his career, he effortlessly runs the show. As a father, he is hands on, loving, caring, and present. As a husband, he is all these things and more. He is thoughtful and romantic.. patient and trustworthy. When we met, he promised me the world – with a stipulation. He would be put me on a pedestal and spend the rest of his life adoring me, but if I were to ever become untrustworthy in any way, all bets were off. I knew he meant it. What he did at that moment was something nobody had ever done before him.. he gave me boundaries. Sounds ridiculous in retrospect, but it is, in fact, the truth. I remember looking at him in awe. I wasn’t a monogamous type of person before him, and that wasn’t always exactly with consent or full disclosure. ( I was kind of jerk). All these years later, and I’ve never once thought to lie to him or be unfaithful in any way. Now, we have had a 6 week stint where together, we explored a third in our bed with a close friend that we love and trust, but that was consensual exploring and perhaps discussed further in another entry in the future.
What my husband didn’t realize by his simple actions of setting guidelines for acceptable behavior, was that he’d set the wheels in motion for a future D/s relationship. He had, without knowing it, awakened a very unfamiliar feeling in me. I’d have fleeting moments like this for many years before either of us even knew what was going on.
A lil more about Him.. My husband is one of the most genuine people anyone could ever meet.. not a judgemental bone in his body. He does not bad mouth people, he does not gossip and will quickly stop anyone from doing so in front of him. He is not racist, sexist, homophobic, or transphobic. He keeps his opinions on religion and politics to himself unless you ask him to share them with you. He works long and hard hours supporting his family and is starting his own business in his free time. And for many, MANY years, he would not be able to even climax unless he had met my needs first. RECORD SCRATCH.. yep.. a doting and sensitive lover. He wouldn’t dream of quickies, so for a long time, we were intimate when I was in the mood. I assure you, it was not often enough with all the distractions we have in our home. That’s where our D/s story really begins, but I’m Irish.. and a story-teller, so get comfy because it’s a helluva ride..
to be continued..